Have you ever had someone on Facebook that some days you just want to delete, but you can’t because they are your father? lol I’m that girl.
I seriously think I’m related to the most ridiculously arrogant and awful people of all time (okay, just my sperm donor). My father doesn’t know it but he is by far one of the smartest, dumb people I know. He says the dumbest things that make him look like such a D-bag, and he is just plain rude. He is a self-made millionaire, but came from nothing so I don’t think he knows how to act. Millionaires and bajillionaires I do not have a problem with at all. I love the fact that my father worked very hard and is now enjoying the fruits of his labor with 100 useless sports cars. That is great, but when you shove unwanted advice and/or comments from the peanut gallery, down people’s throats; or down play what other people consider an accomplishment, it just makes you look like the biggest loser ever. I’ve been archiving some of my most favorite, infuriating, and simply sad Facebook posts of his for awhile now. I just go back and read them to remind myself of who I am and who I never want to be. There has to be at least 3-4 rants a day about mindless nothing. This is what millionaires do all day? They aren’t relaxing and vacationing? They aren’t investing money and making sure that their loved ones are provided for even after you’re gone (not financially, but medically or with education, etc)? They aren’t golfing or traveling? They aren’t consulting other people that are just starting their entrepreneurial dreams? Apparently, not. Apparently, they act like they are 25-years-old with absolutely zero class. Let us take a look at the post that got me today, shall we?
“Peeps: A great many of you know this. But you should never, never, ever reach to buy a car. Not even if you can pay cash for it.
If you are Chevy material, keep your covetous eyeballs off of BMW’s, etc.
Think about those high maintenance bitches you see at the clubs. Sure, you may have a pretty face and $500 extra in the bank to show her a good time for an hour or two. But then what?
Yeah, cars are like that too.
I took the Carrera GT in for half a dozen minor issues last week and the bill is $11,700.00
Yeah, I’m not mistyping that.
They don’t let you finance that for 36 months.
This is an extreme example. But this didn’t even include replacing the clutch or something you could call EXPENSIVE.
Don’t reach for that brass ring too quickly. It might be attached to an iron anvil.
Now go buy 20 exotics….”
1. You’re 57-years-old. Stop saying, “Peeps.” A peep is a sugary, marshmallow, treat.
2. There is nothing wrong with being a “Chevy” person. I have a Chevy. I could buy a BMW if I wanted to, but I won’t… you wanna know why? Read your next comment.
a. “Think about those high maintenance bitches you see at the clubs.” …. …. ….
b. Stay out of the clubs, dad. Nobody wants you in there.
c. Stop looking at girls. You’re old, creepy, and it is soooo disgusting and unattractive. But since you’re so bad ass and in with the “bitches in the club,” hangin’ with your “peeps,” you might benefit from listening to some Ke$ha. The song is called “Dinosaur.”
d. Don’t call women, “bitches.”
e. If you are actually hanging around “bitches,” then you have personal problems.
f. Don’t send the message that guys just want a slutty, bimbo with the IQ of a golf ball and body parts made of the same material.
g. Stay out of the clubs, dad.
4. Jesus Christ. You need $500 to show a girl a good time for just an hour or two, dad? Are you saying that women should start expecting a $500 good time for an hour or two? Are you referring to paying an escort? Are you saying this from the perspective that if you’re old, dirty and completely lacking class you need this amount of money to entertain a woman for any given amount of time?
5. Nobody cares about your car bill. You just take any opportunity to throw a price tag on any part of your life. You didn’t have healthcare there for awhile because they won’t take you with all your problems… so prior to Obamacare you had to pay out of pocket for everything. Have you been checked for prostate cancer? Do you want to flash how much that little exam cost on Facebook? Or would that be TMI and not as cool as telling us about your bill for the Carrera GT?
6. Yeah, we got that you weren’t mistyping that… I seriously doubt people were like… WHOA! He must have meant $11.70, or $1.117 and you didn’t round up properly, or MAYBE they thought you meant $11,700,000!!!! No, dad. We got that you
spent wasted almost $12,000 on an ugly ass car. High five. You should round up all those pathetic, poor, Chevy owners and split that cost between us instead. We greatly appreciate your generosity on us poor, lowly, beggars.
Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit too.
7. Um… could you not put down people who have to finance things? There is no shame whatsoever in needing to finance something, and you sound like an ass for making that seem like something beneath you. I remember a time when you had to borrow money from relatives, and you weren’t sure if we could keep the house or buy food. So maybe come down off your throne and remember where you came from for a little bit, k?
8. Don’t put ‘EXPENSIVE’ in all CAPS like you can’t believe that some OTHER people would consider 12k EXPENSIVE. Oh. My. Gah., right? It must be so sad, and icky being normal with a normal income! ………. Just remember that to someone out there your lambo, porsche, BMW collection is equal to a “Chevy.” To Bill Gates and families/people that are considered “wealthy”… you’re a laughable, joke. Except even though they could be posting on Facebook about how petty BMWs are and pathetic anyone would finance anything… they are too busy funding cancer research, opening hospitals, starting schools, building research centers, funding archaeological digs in Egypt or you know, maybe just not being tools. Perhaps you could pencil in some time between posting on Facebook and hitting up the clubs to read a book or I dunno… Google the definition and learn the concept of philanthropy.
9. Don’t say, “now go buy 20 exotics” like oooh and now go do the opposite of what I just told you not to do because that’s so witty and makes me super cool. I just rolled my eyes at this part because you managed to take my mind off of the fact that you actually said “bitches at the club,” and remind me at the very end what my original disgust was about…. The fact that you’re immature, and classless. If you want to act and think you’re 25 again, remember to end your posts with a wink or smiley face next time.
End of rant.